1. No Morning Mommy Meltdowns.
If my kids don’t hear me the first time I remind them to put on their shoes, I will calmly allow them to go to school shoeless. And I will be okay being the mother of the shoeless children. Same goes for clothes.
And the hair fight ends now too. No longer will I spend my mornings chasing my 6-year old daughter around with a spray bottle filled with water in one hand and detangling spray and brush in the other, swiping at her retreating knotted curls and shouting for her to stop right this minute. If she wants to go to school looking like Gene Wilder, I will be okay with that.
Peace will reign in my house each day. I won’t scream for them to get into the car, brush their teeth, get their backpacks. I will smile and say things like, “What a wonderful morning this is! Be the best you can be today kids.”
2. No Homework Hell.
This year, homework time will not resemble high-level, Middle East Peace Talk style negotiations. There will be no more arguing, debating, wheeling or dealing. I will no longer stand guard over my children to make sure their work is getting done like a deranged drill sergeant. My kids will finally realize that if they just sit down and do their freaking homework, it will get done. If they do so fast, it will get done fast. If they whine and complain and repeatedly drop their pencils, it will take much longer. And if they don’t want to do it, they’ll just get F’s. And I’ll be fine with that. Really.
3. No More Project Procrastination.
If you have three months to complete a project, that doesn’t mean wait two months and 29 days to work on it. I don’t want to find myself at Michael’s the night before some massive diorama is due looking for a shoe box, green paper, cotton balls, popsicle sticks and plastic farm animals. Projects will get done in a timely manner, in small bits rather than in one large, sweat-inducing, stressful night of tears and recriminations. Again, if they choose the path of last-minuteness, they will not get help from me and will have to be fine with an F. And I’ll be fine with that too. Really. I swear.
4. No OverScheduling.
So I just signed my kids up for soccer, gymnastics and rock climbing. Perhaps I’ll take this one up next year.
5. Perfect Parenting.
I will read all school-related emails and paper communications sent home in folders, even if they’ve been crumpled up and shoved into the furthest backpack pocket. I’ll sign what needs to be signed, put important dates into my calendar immediately and remember that Monday is Wear Red Day and Tuesday is Pajama Day and Wednesday is Crazy Hair Day and Friday is Bring In A Handmade Quilt Day. I will do each task happily and will never, ever have to race back to the school holding a left-behind item that starts with the letter B.
6. Voracious volunteering.
I will have lunch with my kids at school, be a mystery reader once a month, lead science experiments, participate in bake sales and help out shelving library books at school. I will give up my precious and well-deserved free time for this. I will be the mom that inspires whispers of admiration and other moms will say things like, “How does she do it? She’s so involved!”
I will work hard to do all of these and more. And if I fail, there’s always next year!
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